Anger and EMail Don't Mix

While Facebook and Twitter are taking a greater share of electronic communications, email is still the communications tool of choice for business. We have to deal with hundreds of emails every day, and instead of a timesaver, just opening, skimming and responding to email each day can waste productive time. Sharing information and making requests works well most of the time. Telling someone off or expressing any type of anger doesn’t. The danger with email is that the intention of the sender is not always the perception of the receiver.

 

I was involved in a potential real estate venture, and was dealing with a lender in another city. We had never met, but were introduced by my real estate agent. Things were progressing through the volumes of document requests and clarifications. I hadn’t really looked at any other sources of financing, and when I happened to be in my bank, I casually asked what their rates were. I was surprised and delighted when they had a rate considerably lower (so I thought) than the lender that I was dealing with.

 

Partly from curiosity and more from the desire to save every dollar possible, I sent an email to the lender to see if they could match the rate. A few moments after I hit “send” on my email, I got a response. A few short sentences saying that if I thought I could get a better rate, I should definitely go with my bank and did I want to withdraw the loan request. WOW! I didn’t know what kind of response I was going to get, but it sounded to me like he was angry and telling me to go elsewhere without a “we’d like to have your business.”

 

A second email followed echoing the theme of the first. What prompted this I don’t know. I felt I was asking a legitimate question. From the words of his email, I felt he thought I was insulting and not appreciative of his hard work. The reality was that I felt he was doing a great job. As a customer potentially taking on substantial debt, I had a right to inquire about loan options that could have been in my favor. A response explaining the situation in a friendly manner would have been appreciated. Instead, my perception was that he was angry and ready to throw me out to the wolves.

 

Several phone calls got no response. I finally called my realtor, and after a few days, found out that the lender didn’t think he was rude—just “matter of fact” The real fact of the matter is I learned a valuable lesson about email. Some questions and responses are best done either in person, where you can process words with facial expressions and voice tone, or a least over the phone with a tone of voice to help interpret intention. Anger and email never mix. It only results in misinformation, wrong perceptions and possibly, a loss of positive outcome for everyone.

 

Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a consultant, blogger, motivational speaker and freelance writer for communicationsjobs.net. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in Training magazine, Training & Development magazine, Supervision, BiS Magazine and The Savannah Morning News. When she’s not writing, she enjoys singing Alto II with the Savannah Philharmonic Chorus and helping clients discover what they love and spend their life on it. You can read more of her blogs at communicationsjobsblog.com and view additional job postings on Nexxt.