How To Turn an Office Rival into a Friend

It's happened to me several times in the course of my professional life. I've had that one person in the office who seems almost determined to be an office rival. I try to be polite and part of the team, but it's as though they see me as a threat instead of an asset to the team. I don't think that my experience is unique, as almost everyone I asked has had stories to tell about someone at work who just seemed out to get them.



I don't know why it happens exactly. It could be part of their resistance to change or perhaps their self-esteem is more heavily dependent on being the reigning champion of whatever it is that they do. Whatever their reasoning may be, it's hard to change the relationship into one that is more productive and more conducive to team success.



Typically, these office rivals are people who are actually good at what they do. If you were able to turn them into an ally, they could be extremely helpful. But, how do you do that? Here are a 3 steps:



Emphasize the things you have in common - In any discussion where the rival mentions your shortcomings, change the subject and redirect it toward things that you have in common. Instead of chatting with them about workplace issues, ask them questions about their family, their upcoming vacation or whatever. The goal is to find common ground on which to build a friendship.



You have to give to get - If your rival is successful, it's likely that they have a project or two that they have been working hard on. Offer to help them with something or give them some important information. Just be sure not to ask for anything in return. At least, not yet. The goal here is to show how valuable you are and have the rival feel indebted to you so that they will be more likely to be willing to work with you on your project.



Talk it out - If you don't think anything else will help, try talking to them about the problem. You might be surprised to learn that they aren't actually mad at you at all. When you have to work with the person, let them know that in order to maximize your opportunities, that you both have to be able to work together and ask what you can do to make that happen. Most people, especially successful ones, would be willing to set aside personality differences in order to achieve something great.



Having tension in the office is a great way to kill productivity. If you are in this situation, it's important to find a way to work with your rival. Otherwise, the negativity and the stress will start to add up and in the long run, you will be the one who will suffer the most.